First Steps…Talk it Out

The first step to planning any style, size, or type of wedding is really to think about it and talk it out. You likely have some ideas as to what kind of wedding you are looking for, your future spouse may also have some ideas. In order to avoid any miscommunication, and lots of arguments, talk about things first. Here are some key things to think about and discuss with each other:

• Where do you want to get married? (ie. destination wedding, your hometown, your future spouse’s hometown, the city you live in now?) This may seem extremely basic, but if you’ve never discussed getting married before you may not realize that this could be a conflict.
• What type of wedding are you looking for? (ie. formal, informal, indoor/outdoor, etc). If you want white linens, black ties, and an orchestra and your future spouse wants burgers, beer, and heavy metal, you may want to have a discussion and find a compromise before booking a violinist.
• What are both of your priorities, the things that you will not compromise on? Each of you should make a list of 3 things that you have to have for your wedding. (ie. your future spouse has always wanted to drive a vintage car to his wedding, or you’ve always wanted pink tulips for you big day). These items have to be of utmost importance and should be priorities in your planning. Most often, the bride takes the lead in the wedding planning, but if your future spouse’s top 3 must haves are taken into account, the day will turn out great for both of you.
• Where is the money coming from and how much will there be? You and your future spouse need to understand each others views on how much you are willing to spend. To avoid fights, disappointment, and potential bankruptcy, this must be discussed right from the beginning. You should also decide if family/friends will be helping out and how to approach them about it. Keep in mind, if family/friends provide financial support, they may have some expectations that they also get some say in the planning or details.
• What family values, religious views, and/or family politics may play a role? You have likely met your future spouse’s family before, but you likely do not understand how much they can play a role in the planning of your wedding. Find out if your future spouse “has to” invite all 625 members of his/her extended family, or if your wedding will be boycotted unless you get married in a church, etc. You may choose the do things you own way regardless of the family politics; however, you should at least consider your other half’s thoughts and understand the potential consequences.

At this point, the possibilities are endless. If you both have a good understanding of each others’ thoughts about your wedding, you can plan things accordingly or at least you have ample time to battle it out if necessary.

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